Lonely in the crowd

There are days that I feel alone even when my household is bustling with activity. My kids are all about action. They jump from one activity to the next. My two middle boys are now very involved in planning a cops and robbers game with their toy cars. They are fully in the zone. I know that any of my comments or questions would probably bounce right off their heads and into oblivion. My oldest son's eyes are fixed on his football video game. So you know there is no hope for a conversation there. Oh, I hear the sound of explosions coming from the living room. My husband has found another one of those intense, bullet filled action movies for his afternoon enjoyment. I guess he surfed right by that romantic "chick flick" which would have caught my eye. My 3 year old daughter is my usual buddy during the day. However, she is caught up in her daily meeting with Dora the Explorer. So I better not disturb her.

While all this is going on, I'm puttering around the house. Cleaning up that stain on the carpet. Finding dirty socks jammed in the oddest places. Sorting the recycling. Planning tonight's dinner. The house may be loud right now, but I'm moving around in my own quiet way getting things done. It's almost like I'm invisible. In some ways, it's nice to walk around with my own thoughts. I can see how you can feel lonely in a crowd. I know my family loves me. But I sometimes feel like just the maid around here. These are the moments when I miss my girlfriends who I can always count on for a good laugh or an interesting conversation.

Hooray for all those great blogging buddies out there! I look forward to connecting with you on your blogs today. As you can tell from my blog title, I'm glad to have a forum where my voice can be heard. One of my kids is yelling for me now. Maybe invisibility is not too bad after all :)

My song time

I switch into autopilot every morning around 6:30 a.m. I go through my morning routine like Robot Mama making sure that everyone gets what they need before they run out the door. It almost feels mechanical how I move around the kitchen each morning: Get the waffles in the toaster oven. Pour the drinks. Pour the cereal. Cut the banana. Get the lunches ready. Take out the vitamin bottle. Check the backpacks for homework and library books. Make sure everyone has socks. I guess you get the idea by now :) When I'm particularly in morning zombie mode, I'll screw up how I distribute everything to the kids. That's when I'll hear one of my gang say something like, "Mom, why are you handing me his cup?" Just going through the motions.

After everyone is gone off to school and work, I enjoy quiet time with my little girl as we have an uninterrupted girls' breakfast. It's nice not having to be "on" during that meal. I can just sit there and hopefully begin to wake up. My really favorite time in the morning is my after shower song time as I get dressed in my bedroom. I love to put on one of my favorite songs and spend those 2 or 3 minutes singing along. Sometimes my daughter will join in and dance a little too! Today, I listened to "Come Away With Me" by Norah Jones. I absolutely love Norah's soothing voice and the almost mesmerizing melody of that song. I first heard it on "So You Think You Can Dance". It was such a beautiful piece accompanying an amazing dance interpretation. I can't wait until "So You Think You Can Dance" comes back. After watching the show, I know so much more about traditional and contemporary dance styles. Finding amazing singers has also greatly benefited my music collection. I really need to get that Ipod so I can have music with me all day. This two minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at the bus stop just isn't enough!

Peace

Driving home from church, a thought came to me. If I find the peace within me, I can handle the chaos around me. As a mom, I'm always trying to keep the peace within my house. My mother used to tell us that all she ever wanted for birthdays or Mother's Day was peace. As a kid, I didn't understand what she meant. Now I found myself repeating my mom's wise request to my own kids. With a houseful of boisterous, energetic kids, I truly value all the riches of a peaceful day. But kids are not monks. Kids need to shake things up and share their energy. So I know that a quiet, serene home is not in the cards. That kind of home would not be my kind of place anyway. I love a lively home. Although, it would be great if I had less wrestling matches to break up during my day : )

With God's help, I will work on finding the peace within. Hopefully, this nurturing of a peaceful attitude will guide my actions and decisions as a mother. I know I'll have plenty of mommy ranting moments. Usually, one of my boys will have some bright idea about doing some impossible physical stunt. That's when crazy mommy will come out with the never ending lectures. My sometimes fiery Irish temper is a part of me that can't be extinguished overnight. Maybe I can bring a little more peace to my household each time I make a conscious effort to approach a situation with a peaceful perspective.

Probably easier said than done : ) It is worth a shot.

Wishing you peace in your life.

World of Opportunity

My family visited my college for a basketball game a couple of weeks ago. It was a beautiful day filled with excitement and nostalgia. Watching 18 year old kids pass me on the way to the gym, I was struck by the fact that these kids were born the year that I graduated. Except for a bunch of gray hairs, I looked a lot like I did back in my undergrad days as I walked the campus. With 4 kids following me, I proudly wore my college sweatshirt as I pointed out favorite study spots and hangouts. So where has all the time gone?

I'm a wife, mother, homemaker, occasional poet and aspiring writer. But what do I really want to be when I grow up? According to my college adviser, I should have figured this whole life/career path out when I was 18. I envy those kids who seem to have a clear idea of what they want to do with the rest of their lives. As an 18 year old, I think I still had a lot of self-assessment to go through before I committed to a particular path. Loving literature, I chose to be an English major. It may not have been a career motivated decision, but it felt right to me.

I look at my 12 year old son. He is only 6 years away from being 18 and those career questions. I wonder how this kid can be ready to make this decision when he can get all flustered about what sport to play with his friends or what pair of pants to wear. Should we really be expected to be mature enough to decide on a path at an age filled with peer pressure, school anxiety and budding adult maturity?

Now I'm definitely at a "mature" age of 40 and should be able to make this decision. What do I want to be when I grow up? For 12 years, I have readily and happily taken on the role of caretaker and homemaker for my family. I didn't officially put my search for a life/career path on hold. I think life just took over and the time flew by. At this point in my life, I feel ready to tackle that big life decision. I have learned a lot about myself over the past 12 years. With maturity, I can make a more directed and definitive decision about where best to utilize my talents, interests and strengths. I'm in the early stages of this self-discovery. Maybe I'll give myself career brainstorming moments during some of my more tedious tasks, like sorting laundry or organizing toys. I may not be 18 anymore, but I'm ready emotionally and spiritually to take on the task of discovering where I will shine in this world. I always joke that I introduce myself to other parents as so and so's mom. Maybe it's time to make a name for myself : )

What fashion sense

Even before having my kids, I would not have called myself a fashion follower. Hopefully, I chose attractive and appropriate clothes when I was part of the work force. That was over 12 years ago. That fact always makes me wonder where all the time has gone. Anyway, as soon as I popped my first son out, I became part of the mommy comfort clothes movement. Not necessarily a bad affiliation. It's tough to keep a designer, pricey blouse spit up free when baby volcano is around. Even when baby grows up, he seems to be always surrounded by or covered in a mess. So I find myself choosing the same reliable clothes every day. Occasionally, I need to go deep into the back of my closet to find my "nice going out" clothes. It almost feels like I'm playing dress up when I need to put a dress on. Who knows when I'll feel truly comfortable in high heels again. I've been in the comfort zone for so long now. The funny thing is that I do enjoy watching a show like Project Runway. Wearing my comfy pajamas, I'll sit with my husband and comment on the designers' sense of fashion and personal style. Like I know anything about that!

Today I'm wearing a Disney sweatshirt showing all the princesses. My 3 year old daughter loves it and I like making her happy. She probably thinks it's my best outfit in my comfort collection. Her good opinion makes me feel alright about my mommy fashion style.

What defines my reality?

A few years ago, I wrote this poem about how your reality could be so different depending on your place of birth or state of health. Your present experience of reality depends on what "patch" of this earth you happen to be on.

Patch

Could have been that frightened girl
squinting under drapes of sand.

Could have been that beaten mother
cradling child's simmering brow.

Could have been that lonely invalid
choking for breath in a damp ward.

My carefree eyes of privilege
scan horizon for a parking space.

Having the time to write

When I was in college, I would spend a lot of time analyzing and editing my term papers. To be honest, I probably was more meticulous about my papers in junior and senior year. During that time, I enjoyed thinking of myself as a "serious" Literature major. I would spend hours in the library researching a particular author or work and compiling tons of citations. A bunch of drafts could usually be found stuffed in my backpack. I liked the whole idea of working out a paper over time. When it was finally submitted to the professor, I usually felt confident that I handed in a worthy paper for consideration.

I notice that my writing habits have changed significantly now that I'm a wife and mother. Now my poems are written in a period of 15 minutes. Gratefully, the images and phrasing seem to come to me quickly once I get "inspired" to jot a poem down. Since I'm so busy with the kids and the house, I guess I have to be content with these quickie moments of creativity. Overall, I'm happy with the poems and maybe it's better that I don't overwork them. When it comes to novel writing, I know that it will be necessary to edit and revise. If my goal is to complete a novel in the next year, I think I'll have to chain myself to my laptop in the late evening hours. Hopefully, my creative side will be awake enough to put in the necessary work.

The carnation by my sink

My smiling 5 year old son couldn't wait to give me a pretty yellow carnation when he got off the bus on February 13th. It was cute watching all the little ones coming off the bus clutching carnations for their mommies. They were so happy to have special Valentine presents for all of us standing at the bus stop. Those sweet little faces shined when they presented the flowers with big hugs and kisses. Moms all love this age when kids readily show affection to their parents. As you all know, this will all change once they hit around 8 years old. Especially with the boys. But even those bigger kids will give you a funny smirk or a shy smile once in while. We'll take what we can get : )

Since I spend so much time in front of my sink, I decided to use this little carnation pick me up when I'm overwhelmed with a kitchen filled with dirty dishes. In a few minutes I will be tackling the mess in my kitchen sink. Gratefully, this carnation will sweeten the work with memories of all my kids running into my arms after school. I think I'll have to stock up on carnations : )

A new army for my boys

In the middle of peeling potatoes the other night, I heard my boys make some unusual comments during a game with their toy soldiers. As I peeked around the corner, I was surprised by the new "action figures" that they added to their castle game. Here is a bit of their game play conversation:

(All my kids have J names so I call them JI, J2, J3 and J4. Just makes it easier sometimes :)

J2: "McKinley just fell off the tower. Call Clinton to come send re-enforcements."

J3: "O.k. I think Lincoln and Roosevelt are trying to break out of the dungeon."

My boys decided to draft their presidential puzzle pieces as the new army to fight the bad guys storming the castle. It was great to hear them becoming so familiar with all of the presidents' names and pictures on the pieces. Having done the puzzle a bunch of times, my crafty sons made the pieces come alive in a way as generals and corporals during this latest mission. As I continued to make dinner, I got a kick out of hearing deployment orders and status reports about the various presidents. Harrison and Washington got into some sticky situations!

Kids amaze me at how they can make a game out of almost anything. Those black and white picture president pieces turned out to be a great, new toy army to keep my boys busy. I'm sure the presidents would not mind being called back to duty as commanders in chief to keep these little boys smiling.

That missing ingredient

My latest fascination is cooking shows. As a cook with a lot to learn, I enjoy getting technique tips and recipe ideas. Food Network has so many informative shows with engaging, talented chefs. I also like watching inventive, creative chefs developing new recipes on the fly during recipe competition shows. When it comes time to stand before the judges, a chef may be put on the spot and asked why a certain ingredient was not chosen to make the dish pop with flavor. The chef may have thought that the dish had everything it needed. Juggling so many ingredient ideas and flavor profiles must make even the most experienced chefs' head spin in such a fast paced competition. The smallest addition of just the right ingredient could have made all the difference in putting forth a great dish and maybe winning a big prize.

I know that there is a missing ingredient in my life. What it is right now, I couldn't say. I'm blessed to have a wonderful family and days filled with health and happiness. However, I still have this nagging feeling that something is missing. I'm trying to look for outside interests that may add this missing 'ingredient" to my life recipe. I don't know if that will make the difference or not. Even as a young girl, I had this feeling of incompleteness. I consider myself to be a creative person, always striving to push the limits of self-expression. Maybe I'm supposed to always be missing an ingredient. I may need that feeling of incompleteness in order to push me to create more. I don't get the chance to write poetry as often as I would like. It may be a good idea for me to schedule a little block of time for creativity. Each poem could be a new ingredient to add to my life recipe. We'll see what I can cook up!

Someday I'll have a garden

I love flowers! When I was looking at pictures for this blog, I focused on pictures of flowers. Zinnias in a field looked so serene and inviting. I thought it was the perfect picture to open my blog. In my home, most of my pictures and paintings are floral. I'm now looking for a vibrant Georgia O'Keefe print to add even more brilliant, color flowers to my decor. I think my hubby feels like he is drowning in flowers some days. But he is a good sport and let's me do my thing when it comes to decorating. It's funny when I think of how I tend to focus on floral patterns whenever I'm shopping. I'll come home with floral tablecloths, floral bedding, floral curtains, etc. I guess you see where I'm going with this : )

Considering how much I love flowers, you would think that I have the most amazing garden at my home. Sorry to say that is not the case. I do have fresh cut flowers on my table at times. I love to compliment my friends' gardens. It would be great to have my own beautiful garden. I really don't want to wait until my retirement years for this dream to come true. I think my kids could be great helpers to start our family garden this spring. Who knows if I even have a green thumb? I may find out very quickly that I should stick to enjoying my flower pictures : ) I know it will be fun trying anyway. Hooray for the Internet! I'm sure I can find great gardening sites filled with tips for a beginner like me. I know the kids will enjoy getting their hands dirty too!

Here's my entry for Jenners' Contest!

Jenners, the fun and creative mind over at Life With A Little One And More, invites her fellow bloggers to think up a horribly written first sentence for an imaginary novel. Here is my entry to the contest:

Clutching my fuzzy mallard, I felt my heart leap when I heard his morning duck call serenade outside my window. -- Confessions of a Duck Hunter's Wife

Check out Jenners' blog to see more entries and read some of her great posts!!

Rainbow on my stairs

Every once in a while, my galloping kids will stop in their tracks to see a small rainbow lighting up a small spot on my stairs. With the excitement of an archaeologist finding a rare dinosaur bone, my kids will keep yelling for me until I show up to share their discovery. My young ones, especially, will camp out next to the little rainbow visitor and put their hands out so the rainbow can dance on them for a while. This rainbow fascination fades quickly, but that brief wonder in their faces makes a lasting impression on me.

Growing up in the city, I didn't have many opportunities to roll around in the grass and examine all the beautiful wonders of nature. Luckily, my kids get to be junior nature observers every day. A lady bug flies by and my three year old daughter zooms around the yard trying to catch it. My five year old son tracks the movement of those fuzzy caterpillars climbing up our front tree. These outside moments of discovery will be here soon with the first spring flowers. This city girl will probably be the first one in my household to walk my yard and smile that it is spring. I'll have to run back in and push my older kids away from the video games and get that fresh air in their lungs. My young ones won't need that push. Isn't it nice when young kids get a natural jolt from outside play? My older guys have been cabin dwellers too long with their video games. Hopefully, my family will also "bloom" once more with excitement and activity in the beautiful outdoors.

Lunch hour library visits

Centuries ago, when I was a member of the suit and heels work force, I would run to the library during my lunch hours. As a young twenty something, I would get such a kick out of window shopping at the library as I read many book jackets. When a new author peaked my interest with a great opening paragraph, I would sprint to the circulation desk with my new traveling companion. With book in arm, I would then make a quick stop at the pizza shop near the office. Happily alone with my book, I would try and read a couple of pages before my wrist watch reminded me that my in box was filling up at my desk. At the end of the day, I enjoyed reading my new library book as the train brought me home each night.

I miss those library visits. It was my little chunk of time where I could escape into my books. I could forget all the pressure and deadlines at work. It was a time when I could be truly me. For the past 12 years, I've been in mommy mode so most of my library visits are about finding fun and educational books for my kids. Since they were little, I try and make library visits a regular part of our routine. I'm so glad that they share my interest in getting books at the library. When my youngest one goes to school, I know that I will find the time to stroll through the library aisles once again. A quiet lunch with a good book sounds good to me : )

The Housewife Poet

I have never officially called myself a poet. Writing poetry has always been a private activity for me. I rarely tell even my family about one of my poems. Writing poetry is such an individual, intimate experience. Most of the time, my ideas for a poem hit me spontaneously. No one really knows that I may be writing a poem at the kitchen table as my kids eat lunch. I think that I like keeping my poetry as my own little secret. It is not a conscious decision to hold my poetry so close. It may be my way of holding on to a part of me that is not wife or mommy. This poetic part of me brings peace to a usually hectic day. This poetic part of me brings clarity to a sometimes distracted perspective.

I claim to want to be published. But I have to wonder if I like being the only audience for my poems. I write out these poems like a personal diary filled with bits and pieces of me. Maybe that's why I feel protective of releasing them to others' scrutiny. Calling myself a poet sounds like a public declaration. Most of my day is about being a housewife/mother first. Poetry steps forward at times in my life. When that inspiration hits me, I respond. But I always circle back to caring for my children and home. So it may be fitting to think of myself as The Housewife Poet. Maybe it's not as regal as other poet titles, but it defines me right now.

Sketch

When I was a kid, I loved to sketch. I would grab the Sunday comics out of the newspaper and look for a new character to add to my sketch books. I could keep busy for hours sketching all kinds of subjects. Before the pencil hit the paper, my mind's eye could see how the lines and dimension of the sketch would come together. My sketching was a favorite hobby. For whatever reason, I didn't pursue my drawing in any formal way. As I got older, I started to devote all my free time to reading. Book after book would impress me with interesting characters, multi-layered plots and beautiful prose. I would be left with vivid visual images after reading amazing passages. Soon, I decided to attempt to express myself through writing. Once I began writing poetry, I would spend my afternoon hours writing in a poetry notebook. My sketch book became part of my childhood. It was not the forum for me anymore.

Now I sketch out my ideas loosely in my head before I craft images and present thoughts into a poem. Just like my early days of sketching, I will sometimes work with a visual cue to serve as a catalyst for my poem. Whether I'm drafting a poem or sketching a picture, I see that those same creative "muscles" are being exercised when I commit to creating something artistically. This kind of sketching may serve me well as I now attempt to venture into novel writing. I can see this is how I approach any new creative project, so I guess I better start with what works for me. I know that I have a long road ahead of me, but I look forward to pushing myself in this new direction. I'm hoping that my reliance on visualization does not limit my ability to fully grow as a novel writer. I wonder if the poet in me will fight the long, narrative form of the novel. Well, I'll soon see if those two sides of me can coexist as I try to write a novel. There are plenty of wonderful books out there to help new writers. I feel lucky to have such great information and resources available on many terrific writers' blogs. It's time to take out my pencil and "sketch" out a novel writing plan.

Inspiration on my walls

The walls in my home are filled with pictures, prints and paintings. I'm always hunting for a new picture to brighten up a space. Pictures with bright colors and bold brushwork surround me now as I type. These pictures are not just decorations for my home. Pausing to look at a beautiful painting helps me reconnect with myself creatively and spiritually. Hair thrown in a pony tail with a wash basket at my waist, I find a quick pit stop at one of these pictures to be like a little jolt of "art energy" to help me keep my creative self awake in the midst of a hectic day. I think it is good for the soul to make these reflective moments a part of the day. It has to be a conscious choice to take a breath, slow down and look at something beautiful, dramatic or moving in art. An appreciation of art has always helped me fine tune my writing and expand my creative perspective. I can be stirred visually in such way that I feel compelled to write. Having a home filled with wonderful art pieces has helped me stay in tune with my creative side. Art has been a steady and reliable muse for me as a poet. I hope it can also be a catalyst for my novel writing. As I write this post, I remember that my hallway is too bare. Maybe a dramatic Georgia O'Keefe print would be just right for that space. The tough part will be deciding on which one. My kindergartener enjoys art in school so maybe I'll get his opinion. His artwork is also part of my home decor. We just put up his picture of a heart with various shades of pink and red. Looks like he loves bright, powerful color too!

Windy today

The winds are zooming around here like an energetic toddler. As I type, I'm watching the barren tree branches in my back woods rejuvenating the empty landscape with their swaying and bouncing. The large patches of snow and ice are starting to drift away as the warm temperatures tease that spring will get here eventually. I love to go out on a windy day like today. The wind circles around me and wakes my soul. It's like a much needed fresh burst of oxygen to kick start my engine. I'm looking forward to the start of spring with all the beauty and life that nature shares with us. Oh how nice the wind will feel as I wait at the bus stop for my kids today. It's kind of like a quick spa day moment for this worn down mommy : )

My son's birthday

With a smile on his face, my oldest son admired his new football jersey in the mirror this morning. Turning twelve today is a big deal to him. He is officially becoming a big kid, or should I say a young man. As his mom, I feel more emotional about this birthday for some reason. I'm so happy to have such a nice, creative, smart and thoughtful young man for a son. He tries hard to help his two brothers and sister in so many ways. I know that they get on his nerves like most younger kids tend to do. On the whole, he always comes around to try and be their big buddy. When he came into our lives, my whole world opened up being a first time mom. I will always cherish those memories of the two of us spending our special time together when he was a little guy. We both had a lot to learn about how this whole mom/kid relationship works. I remember our little games and walks around the park. It was a sweet time for the two of us. After my other little ones started arriving, we didn't have as many of those one on one days together. But we still find time to watch a TV show together or have a good conversation. I get a kick out of watching him play his video games or looking at a great picture that he drew. I'm so proud of how hard he works as a student and his sense of teamwork when he gives his all on the soccer field. We will always be good buddies. Time to get his brownies out of the oven. His big guy face will light up when he sees them : ) I love my birthday boy!

Mom, I have a question

My nine year old son is the interviewer of the family. We can always count on him to have a bunch of questions about any new topic that interests him. When my husband waits with him at the bus stop, my son jumps at the opportunity to conduct an interview all about the mechanics of our minivan. His eyes scan the dashboard and he goes from gauges and dials as he asks his questions. Even if they only have five minutes until the bus arrives, I think they both enjoy these little interviews about a subject that they both are excited about. I am glad that my son is inquisitive and curious about so many things. Once he starts asking questions, he gets on a roll and sometimes we have to postpone the rest of the interview when we have more time. Or we'll refer him to a book or the Internet, when we often don't know the answer to a more difficult question. I notice that he is drawn to books filled with factual information. At the library, he'll pick out books about weather, planets or vehicles. It is great that he gets excited about learning new facts about how things work. You can almost see the light bulb go on above his head when he gets into interview mode. I want to always be available for these interviews and encourage my son to be that seeker of facts and information throughout his life. I may have a junior researcher, scientist, astronaut or weatherman on my hands. He also has a charisma that could lead to a career as a soap opera actor! Hey, all those jobs pay the bills : )

Drumming to our own beat

After my three boys go off to school, my little girl and I enjoy our girl time together. She loves her baby dolls and her "princess mommies". She likes having little conversations with each doll. That can keep her busy for a long time. Since my boys' energy levels can be off the charts some days, I enjoy these quiet play times with my daughter. In her room, she holds court for all her dolls and allows me to help her get them ready to be received : ) She likes that whole princess role. I expected to once again play dolls today, but she had other ideas. She discovered today that she can find drums all over the house and loved tapping out a beat for me to copy. Her little hands liked the couch drum the best. I had to redirect her once I saw her heading for Daddy's TV. Her joy in this new music game was contagious. I found myself getting a kick out of trying to think up new beats for her to try. By the end of our little drum run around the house, we were both smiling and tired. We got a good workout today. Our time together was not as quiet as usual, but she loved impressing me with her drum beats on all sorts of surfaces. It looks like the princess has left her throne to play as a musician for a while. She said that she wants to show her brothers this new game. That may be a scary proposition once the boys get involved. It will be one crazy concert for Daddy when he gets home. At least, the kids will be happily drumming along!

Finding my novel

There must be a novel in me somewhere. I've always considered myself a storyteller. Having an active imagination as a child, I would invent all sorts of tales to entertain whoever was interested. I need discipline to try and reign in my ideas into one cohesive storyline. I've made an attempt at a novel recently. I'm happy with my first two pages, but I put it on hold once all of us started battling colds in my house. I guess I'm scared that my story will fall short somehow. Do I have enough material to write a novel of decent length? Or should I take a shot at short stories first? My poems are usually short and filled with compact images. I wonder if writing a novel is the right medium for me. The best way for me to find out is probably to start writing and see if the novel grows page by page and starts to bear fruit. Maybe tonight after the kids go to sleep, I'll try and work on page 3. Writing something of substance is worth the effort. I'll make the time.

My Grandma's needlepoint

My grandma's needlepoint picture of a flower basket hangs over my couch. I think of all the time and care she put into making this lovely picture. I love the texture and colors. Looking at it closely, I want to know more about the woman who was my grandmother. First and foremost, she was a hard worker who never complained. She would work two jobs to help make ends meet. Her family did not have much money, but they tried hard to make the best life they could.

I never really got to know my grandmothers. I lost them when I was a young girl. As I look at the needlepoint, I try and visualize my grandmother's strong calloused hands as they gently push the needle through with love and care. I will keep this picture close to my heart and hope to live by her example especially when times are tough.

I also smile when I think of stories about my grandma and her love of the beach. I'm glad that she found a kind of sanctuary too.

One of my favorite movie scenes

I love that scene in Love Actually when Colin Firth's character jumps into the lake trying to retrieve the typed pages of his novel. He jumps in after his beautiful housekeeper goes in without any hesitation or reserve. Up to this point, his character is emotionally frozen and spiritually broken. The developing relationship with this beautiful woman, who doesn't speak any English, turns out to give him not only the inspiration to write, but also the inspiration to live again. You can see how these two dripping wet strangers connect in a very human way as they laugh about grasping at the floating wet pages of the novel. It is a memorable scene filled with moments of human integrity and abandon.

Spontaneous fun has a place at the writer's desk. I know that I sometimes get too serious when I sit down to write. Trying too hard to get inspiration can really backfire on even the best writers. A writer can benefit from living in the moment and hopefully the words will start to flow with ease on the page. I would love to write more but my three year old daughter is not too happy that mommy is blogging right now. Maybe I'll watch that movie tonight when I'm all alone after doing the dishes. Those are the little luxuries for mommies : )

My Young Son, The Writer

My five year old son just asked me for a pencil and paper to practice writing his alphabet. Writing is one of his favorite activities in his kindergarten classroom. He runs to the "writing center" even when his classmates zoom off to the art and play centers. At the writing center, he will sit quietly and thoughtfully as he attempts to write a sentence or two. He works hard trying to hear the letter sounds as he stretches out words. After writing a sentence, he will often add an illustration and proudly write his name on top of the paper. I know that he feels such a sense of accomplishment when he shares his ideas and thoughts in writing.

When he gets home from school, he can't wait to show his writing to everyone. He especially likes to share his writing with his older brothers. I think he feels more part of their world now that he is beginning to read and write. Something truly does click inside of young children when they start expressing themselves through writing. You can see how their self-confidence soars as their writing skills grow. Teachers must feel enlivened each time that spark of recognition and inspiration bring out the writer in a young child. What a grand sense of accomplishment!

My five year old son just finished a few sentences about his family and a trip to the zoo. His smile is priceless. His excitement is inspirational. Maybe his brothers will put down the video game controller for a minute and grab a pencil : )

The Happy Child Performer

I can hear my daughter sing a melody of her own creation as she dances with her dolls. She just bursts into these little songs as she plays throughout the day. Her three year old world is so full of wonder, imagination and joy. I get a kick out of hearing her add funny details to her songs. If she catches me watching her, she will add cute gestures or facial expressions to keep my interest. Isn't it great to see how little children feel so free to express themselves through song, dance or storytelling in the comfort of their home. The young child's creative spark can't help but light up a home. If I'm having a particularly stressful day, I can forget some of my worries as I watch my little fairy princess singing her favorite Cinderella song as she twirls about.

Children have a natural desire to express themselves through music. They get to sing and dance without any concern about criticism or technique. They just jump right into the music and allow the song to drive their happiness if even for a few moments.

So feel free to sing and see if you found another little way to create some happiness!

Poem inspired by winter woods

BLUEPRINT

Through sheer curtain observe
beating wings pepper horizon.
Through stripped branches accept
invitation to behold a stenciled sky.

Shelve assumptions of inspired sources.
Stare through bones of landscape.
Allow delight in branched view.
Consume starkness with intent.

Skeletal beauty manifests post foliage.
Bold lines thread through sky canvas.
Absence of color challenges hesitant hand.
Worn brush seeds new life.

Stirred by the Snow

It is snowing outside my window. I love looking at the trees outlined in a thin layer of snow. An overall sense of wonder and calmness come upon me simultaneously while taking in this view. Soon my house will be filled with tons of energy and laughter as my kids get home early due to the snow. It is nice to sit here for a few moments and relax with my thoughts before my kid army "storms" the home front. When I'm looking for inspiration, nature often provides me with just the boost I need to get started. If I'm sitting at a bus stop waiting for my kids, I will try and find some little "muse" of nature, even if it is just a tattered little leaf hanging loosely off its stem. Somehow a thought or emotion will come over me and push me to write a few lines of a poem. I work hard to fit these moments for creativity in my busy day. Even if I'm the only one to read my poem, I have to make that effort to express what I'm feeling in a creative way. Sometimes I can feel that creative urge between something as routine as making sandwiches for the kids. Then I'll take a break to write a few lines on a napkin or scrap paper, whatever is handy. I don't want to lose those thoughts so I will stop for a moment to get those thoughts or images written down.

The snow is steady and quiet. Soon my home will be unpredictable and loud with the happiness of kids free from the classroom. Happy kids bring about their own kind of creative, poetic energy. Maybe I'll find my next inspiration for a poem watching my kids act "naturally".

My little ones

The day in the life of a mom goes by so quickly. The day is filled with housework, kids' activities, errands and homework. It is 11 p.m. before I get the chance to slow down on some days. That is around the time each night that I take a quick peek at my sleeping kids. Even though my kids range in age from 12 to 3, they all share the same innocence and sweetness while sleeping. If I had a particularly trying day refereeing mega battles between my kids, I find this quick peek at them to be therapeutic on so many levels. Any leftover tension fades away; any lingering frustration disappears. I can once again see their infant faces filled with contentment and trust. I wish those images would come to me during the typical conflicts and stresses of a day raising kids. I know that we are all human and tend to react before thinking. I confess to often jumping too quick into a "fight mode". As a mom, I want to find a way to reach that state of reason and sympathy which I have during my night time peek at the kids.

I think that sometimes too much going on in a household can lead to chaos. It's great that we're busy and happy in our activities. As a family, I want to slow us down every once in a while, so I can take the times to appreciate all the beauty and wonder within my kids. Just like when we may feel compelled to stop and view a gorgeous sunset, we need to make the time to have quiet, thoughtful times with each of our children.

Make the conscious effort to slow down and giggle with your kids.

Art of conversation

Skating along through life, one misses so many chances to listen to another. Most daily interactions deal with quick, trivial issues that are forgotten in moments. Wouldn't it be great to try and sharpen our listening skills so we can better understand each other on a deeper level? We surround ourselves with distractions and excuses to avoid true connections through conversation. We channel surf through our conversations and jump to what catches our interest for the moment. The art of a two way conversation does not seem to be a priority to many individuals. Think of ancient times when teachers and leaders would gather to discuss great principles and contemporary issues. They would spend hours debating, sharing, arguing and learning from those discussions. Those often heated verbal exchanges would go on for hours, maybe days. All in attendance would be riveted to the topic and truly listening to each and every word.

We need to start talking to each other again. Our opinions and thoughts are worth the time.