Wednesday, March 23, 2011

We wouldn't be a good team for The Amazing Race

Think of all the quality and quantity time together if my husband and I decided to be a team for one of my favorite reality shows. I know that my husband would just love this experience. (Insert sarcasm please.) Assuming that I didn't have to hypnotize or drug my husband to be my partner for The Amazing Race, please take a moment to listen in to the sweet nothings that we would exchange on the road.

Let's make this an official Top Ten post. Why not?

Top Ten Comments Made by Achy, Middle Aged (ouch!!) NY Couple Rushing through Kenya or Beijing or Australia (hey maybe I could bump into Hugh Jackman)

  1. "I have a cramp." This would be said every half hour, I bet.

  2. "It's like 105 degrees. They want us to run up that steep hill, carry our own 75 pound boat, and swim blindfolded through that eel filled murky water??" There better be an all you can eat buffet at the end of this leg.

  3. "I hope that we don't have to wear a bathing suit on national TV."

  4. "How can we catch Ken and Barbie who are smiling as they jump hurdles?" And I would add, "She has a belly shirt in every rainbow color to show off those abs. I'll keep my stretch marks to myself."

  5. "When's lunch? That question would be repeated often.

  6. "You pull. I push. Let's try it together. One, two, three..." I have a feeling that we would be lucky if we got that stubborn donkey to move 2 inches. Also, please imagine that my husband would probably share a couple of colorful expletives to try and motivate said donkey.

  7. "Keep your million dollars!" My husband would yell (hopefully without the expletives) at the poor host when we got eliminated. I would say, "Is there a consolation prize or a goody bag?"

  8. "Hey, don't you know French? Ask this guy for directions." "Honey, we're in Argentina."

  9. "Are we the only ones with full bladders in this race?"

  10. "Wake up!! It's 2:34 AM and we have to get to the airport." My husband would say, "Call your mother. I know she's 72 but she'll have more stamina."
So it looks like I need a new Amazing Race partner. Any takers? I'll bring cookies, and heating pads. LOL.


Mari said...

Hahaha! I'm afraid I would fail miserably at this race!

Diane said...

Hilarious! I doubt I could get my husband to enter either, but I KNOW it would be for the best not to..... I wonder what the divorce/break up rate is after being on that show??? :O)

Judy Croome said...

ha ha! Husband and I wouldn't even make it past the first round. And if we did, we're opposites so the "debating" might just have us stay in one spot the whole show! :)
Judy (South Africa)

shabby girl said...

Cute post! hubby would be carrying me. :)

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Even if I had a husband I couldn't see him enter, but this did make me have a good laugh,


Ginger Jasper said...

This made me smile so much. I wonder how many people can relate to this , A high percentage I think. Thanks for the smile.Hugs GJ and Carol x

Ken Devine said...

Sounds just like us...without the expletives :)

Louisiana Belle said...

LOL! Cute post. Thanks for the laugh today. :)

Kelly L said...

Funny post - I have never watched the show but I have heard fun things about it..I know I would be complaining the entire time.. I'm so out of shape.. Where in NY are you from? I am taking my girls on a 2 week east coast trip this summer - staying 2 nights in NYC near Time Square.. Looking forward to it! We are also visiting DC and Boston..
I've Become My Mother
Kelly's Ideas
Amazing Salvation

Gerri said...

Hahahaha, awesome! Devin and I LOVE this show and have contemplated it over the years. Needless to say time and some of things you mentioned in your list have set in and we have decided to postpone our entry...:)

Robyn Campbell said...

Actually, I'z a runner, Kel. But now look at me. In the bed 24/7. So I'll be content to recline on my bed, drinking a ginger ale, eating something totally fattening (if I can swallow it) and watch you go for it. (I'z will cheer you on, I'z really will.) :-)

Susan Fobes said...

You're funny Kelly, but I only run if something is chasing me, so in other words, I don't run :)

The Write Girl said...

The Amazing Race is crazy! I do remember one year a couple spent the whole day shopping or something. You could just go rogue. I expect a V-log of your adventures of course :)

Caroline said...

LOL...I would not last 5 minutes on that show!!!

Jenners said...

Mr Jenners and I would be the bickering couple that you think "why on earth did this two get married?"

And how much are you loving the current Race? Howmabout the double U-turn from last week! That was so awesome. I'm rooting either for the Globes or the Goths.

Angela said...

I love your humor! This put a big smile on my face. I've only watched a few episodes of the Amazing Race, and while it isn't something I'd personally sign up for, knowing that you'd throw in some cookies might just change my mind. You know I'm a sucker for pastries. ;)

Kim said...

This is hilarious. Shaune always watches Survivor and says he would love to do something like NO THANK YOU! The bugs alone. I don't know much about the amazing race but I am not very athletic, okay strike that, I'm not athletic at all. I like to walk but as soon as anyone gets competitive, I sit down. Yeah and even before babies I couldn't wear a belly shirt comfortably. Now? Forget it!