Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Trouble with other kids

My heart aches today because my son is having trouble with some of the boys on our block. My 12 year old son is a pretty nice kid. All he wants to do is hang out and play some ball. He has a bunch of friends at school, but we're outnumbered by nasty boys on this block. Yesterday, I had a confrontation with one of the mothers. It has been brewing for a while. I tend to be a peacemaker and shy away from shaking things up. Yesterday was different. One of these jerks tried to choke my son. He thought he was some kind of tough guy. My son pushed him back hard. His mother is looking at my son like he's a troublemaker. Block politics are going to be a problem from now on.

I'm worrying about my son having to deal with this kid on the bus today. He probably won't hesitate to start "trash talking". I know my son will brush it off. But I also know that it will bother him. I hate that he has to deal with these jerks. Why couldn't we live on a nicer block.

I have to go get my other boys ready for the bus. I feel like crying today.

31 comments:

K said...

It's hard enough to be 12 yourself, but it must be really difficult to watch your children go through it.

I'm nervous about that stage. Good luck.

Joanne said...

That is such a difficult age. Life's lessons are never easy. But maybe your son is handling it right, just brushing it off and moving on the best he can. And he knows he has your support at home. I hope the whole thing blows over and he has a good day today.

Rachel said...

It's so hard to not want to jump in and fix everything for them. But we can't. I'm sorry this is going on for you and your son. Hopefully the people in your neighborhood who you'd actually WANT to remain friends with can see who is the actual troublemaker.

Elftea said...

Joanne is right your son is doing the right thing. And maybe they can go to differnt high schools later. Just keep your son telling you all this boy does and says. The next few weeks will be very hard.
good luck. Sorry you have this to deal with.

Heather said...

Kids can be so mean. My little brother is 11 and it breaks my heart when bullies at school are mean to him. He's good about brushing it off, but I know it has to bother him. I'd like to give some of those kids a piece of my mind!!

Lois Lane II said...

I just said a prayer for your son. I hope today goes well for him.

I was the one bullied in school. I hated my first grade year because we moved, and high school was pretty rotten for the most part. But, I promise you, it gets better. I am so thankful now for everything I went through because it made me the person I am today. I am so thankful I was not friends with the "popular" crowd because they were the ones drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. I say all this to let you know that even if your kid does continue getting bullied (and I know that must be torture for you -- I am a little worried of my own anger when my time comes around) but it does get better. =)

Lois Lane II said...

Thanks for the award!! =D You are too sweet!

pughy said...

I feel for you so much. It seems that everywhere there are these thugs who get pleasure from taunting and tormenting the good.

All you can do is stay strong, stay vigilant and give your son all the loving, you obviously do. Good does triumph over bad.


Thinking of you.

Carol and Jasper x

shabby girl said...

Do you need me to come over there and kick some ass? Just kidding. Sounds like maybe the offending kid learned his behavior from his mother? I hope your son sat in the front of the bus! Keep us posted!

T Rex Mom said...

That sounds definitely like NO fun. I am sad you and your son have to go through that. I agree with you - chocking is no negotiable. Ever thought of getting your son into martial arts?

Kim said...

This makes me very sad! I can't believe this happens. Without a doubt you have raised a wonderful boy. Sadly this is what he has to go through but I think you're right to step in. I'm sending you some positive strong energy. I hope your day gets better and your kids are happy and safe. Hugs!!

Debbie said...

I so understand your frustration and sadness. I hate it when kids are mean to my kids, especially when their parents won't help.
I hope everything goes well today. Let us know what happens.

CDB said...

I hope this resolves itself.. truly. He has to endure this pain to become a full-fledged teenager, but it's painful.

Sabrina said...

I hate that...I am so sorry!!

Wendy said...

i know how you feel. my son at 5 years old kind of went through that. all he wanted to do was play with the neighbor kid who was 6 and the kid pushed jacob and yelled at him. i am also the kind of person who just wants to get along with everyone and i really got upset with it. his mom made him apologize and the kid said "sorry!" and ran off. ughh! i hate that. glad they moved. but when they were here it was like that every other day.

rightonmom said...

I feel your heartache. So sorry for this. I think with boys it can get physical whereas with girls its looks and words. Either way, it totally sucks but by you being there, a spot of sunshine in their day, its like the balm they need to feel better. Hang in there, this shall too pass.

Michelle said...

Ay ay ay! That's not fun. HOWEVER, i it crosses over to the bus, that becomes a bullying issue that is the school's issue wehre there are actual consequences. If he's doing it to your son, he'll do it to others. Have you thought about talking to the school at all?

I'm so not looking forward to being on the elementary bus next year!

H.K. said...

I know how you feel! My son dealt with bullies in his school at junior high. You would think because he's a big kid that kids would leave him alone...they don't. We taught him to walk away from their taunts, but it didn't help. He came home crying for months.

I didn't know what to do. Going to the principal made the teasing worse and the parents of those kids were as messed up as their kids. We finally had to tell him to push the lead instigator. He pushed the kid against the locker and it stopped.

I'm not saying that's what you should do with your child. It's different with every one. But, it made me sad that my son had to resort to being physical to stop the bullying.

What that kid did to your son is assault. If it happens again, I would call the police. I am so sorry that it has happened, your heart just breaks when your kid is being hurt.

Sorry for the long comment, I just hate bullies!

Mari said...

I'm so sorry. I think having things like this happen to your kids is worse than having something happen to yourself. It sounds like his mother may be one of those who thinks her kid can do no wrong. You were right to step in.

thezeninyou said...

Oh gosh, I am so sorry. My brother had to deal with a horrible bully that lived on our block. Vince...it's even a bully name! My bother had red hair, acne and was overweight. He dealt with bullies everyday...I hated to watch it happen (esp on the school bus). I will say, my brother is one of the strongest willed people I know. That bulling made him such a good person too. We still talk about it. It was very hard on him...but it made him a better person, and better parent and very conscious.

Just explain to your son, it's never about him. Kids bully because they don't like themselves. The bullies get power from the shy nice kids.

Not sure if this helped...but he will get through and be better for it...

Gerri said...

I'm so sorry your family is going through this right now. I was bullied in school and it was a scary feeling. I missed not having my Mom or Dad to help me out. (I was too afraid to tell them). Thank God, you are there in his corner "fighting" with him. I am praying for peace, strong ethics and friendship for all of the children and adults. **Big hug**

Kelly said...

awww...i'm so sad for your son. i just said a prayer for him. i hope his day ended up not being so bad and he was able to hold strong. that's tough when you have kids in the neighborhood like that. i know your son probably sets a good example, and the other kids are just trying to break him. they won't...because of what you have taught him. it hurts to watch our kids suffer!

The Write Girl said...

Hey Septembermom,

I am sorry to hear about your son. It's really tough dealing with bullies. Hopefully he has some other kids around him on the block he can buddy up with. I'm praying and hoping for the best.

judith ellis said...

Your son will be just fine, as he has such a loving and strong mom. Kids find their way and parents see to it. This I know you will do. My thoughts are with you.

Sara Moriarty-delaFuente said...

Oh Kelly. I am so sorry. What a helpless feeling. I wish I could give you a hug and a listening ear over a cup of coffee or tea. My thoughts are with you. ~Sara

Sneaky Momma said...

I'm sorry you and your little boy are having to deal with this. :(

judith ellis said...

Good morning, septembermom. I hope that today will be a better one for your son and you and that the evening brought peace. I said a prayer. In thinking of you this morning, I wondered about the role of fathers in such matters. Mothers are often required to address such matters with other mothers head on while fathers are left out of the scenario. Fathers should be active in such disputes too dealing with both their boys and girls.

Heather said...

I started reading today's post but had to come and see what is going on. Wow, I am sorry that you are both going through this, I am dreading when my son goes to school because he has this thing for tilting his head for an eye condition and I can almost forsee the future for him. UGH! It is hard when you have to live near these people too!

Dani said...

Oh how horrid- I hate that so many parents think their kid is the good one and nothing could possibly be their kid's fault. But honestly, even if it weren't their kid's fault, the fact that he was choking another kid is never acceptable and they should discipline whether or not he was aggravated. It's ridiculous how some parents always let their kid get away with horrible acts just because "oh, but they're my angel." Come on people! Be aware that your own child can do wrong and you're supposed to help them not to. Grrr. I hope things can be sorted out better for your son. How frustrating.

Jenners said...

Oh my. I can only imagine how awful this must be for you. I'm terrified of stuff like this ... it must be so difficult. And then for parents to be part of the problem too. I wish I had something wise to say to you....

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