You could say that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wish I had a better poker face sometimes and could hide my emotions in certain situations. As I tell my husband, I can easily turn to "mush" inside when an emotion takes me over. Yesterday morning was one of those times.
I woke up worried about my son, not knowing what he would face in his day. I went about my usual morning routine, getting everything together for the kids and my husband. Just after my oldest son got picked up for the bus, I felt a wave of emotion hit me hard. Having a few minutes of downtime, I decided to check my blog to read any comments. My mind couldn't focus on all your lovely comments of the day before. I knew that I had so much bottled up inside me and that I had to get it out someway.
Posting about my feelings in a quick five minutes helped me in so many ways. As I typed about my worry and concern for my son, the tears started to fall down my face. I've only cried that hard two other times in my life. This particular incident was no where near as serious as the other two times. The first time was when I was only a few months pregnant with my first born and I became scared due to unexpected bleeding. The second time was when I knew that my father was dying. I was surprised that I got so upset over this bully incident with my son. It was like a purging cry for me. The mama bear in me was back in the den. The mama who would fight for her cubs to protect them. At that moment, I felt helpless to help my "little one" out there in the sometimes cruel, uncaring world. I know that I will not be able to protect him in every situation anymore. When he was little, I could hold on to his hand and keep an eye on everything. Those days are over which is the way it should be. My feeling of helplessness is what triggered my emotional meltdown yesterday morning. Writing it out in my post helped me get it all out and I was able to go on with my day.
Your kind and supportive prayers and comments mean the world to me. I feel blessed to have so many wonderful blogging friends who are willing to listen and share with me. Thank you for being there when I needed someone!!
Gratefully, my son didn't have any altercations with the boy on the bus or the block yesterday. Maybe the boy's mother put some fear into him at least for awhile. We'll see how the rest of the week goes. I feel so much better today thanks in a large part to you!
Hugs to everyone:)