Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Feeling much better today

You could say that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wish I had a better poker face sometimes and could hide my emotions in certain situations. As I tell my husband, I can easily turn to "mush" inside when an emotion takes me over. Yesterday morning was one of those times.

I woke up worried about my son, not knowing what he would face in his day. I went about my usual morning routine, getting everything together for the kids and my husband. Just after my oldest son got picked up for the bus, I felt a wave of emotion hit me hard. Having a few minutes of downtime, I decided to check my blog to read any comments. My mind couldn't focus on all your lovely comments of the day before. I knew that I had so much bottled up inside me and that I had to get it out someway.

Posting about my feelings in a quick five minutes helped me in so many ways. As I typed about my worry and concern for my son, the tears started to fall down my face. I've only cried that hard two other times in my life. This particular incident was no where near as serious as the other two times. The first time was when I was only a few months pregnant with my first born and I became scared due to unexpected bleeding. The second time was when I knew that my father was dying. I was surprised that I got so upset over this bully incident with my son. It was like a purging cry for me. The mama bear in me was back in the den. The mama who would fight for her cubs to protect them. At that moment, I felt helpless to help my "little one" out there in the sometimes cruel, uncaring world. I know that I will not be able to protect him in every situation anymore. When he was little, I could hold on to his hand and keep an eye on everything. Those days are over which is the way it should be. My feeling of helplessness is what triggered my emotional meltdown yesterday morning. Writing it out in my post helped me get it all out and I was able to go on with my day.

Your kind and supportive prayers and comments mean the world to me. I feel blessed to have so many wonderful blogging friends who are willing to listen and share with me. Thank you for being there when I needed someone!!

Gratefully, my son didn't have any altercations with the boy on the bus or the block yesterday. Maybe the boy's mother put some fear into him at least for awhile. We'll see how the rest of the week goes. I feel so much better today thanks in a large part to you!

Hugs to everyone:)

24 comments:

Kim said...

I love openness in people. I think it makes life so difficult when you have to guess how someone feels. It makes it easier to give when someone is willing to give their emotions in that way.

You are a wonderful and deeply loving mother. I rejoice for your kids!

Thank you for the sweet sentiments on my blog today. I feel slightly vulnerable at sharing that in such an open forum. I hope today is a good day for you my friend!

Joanne said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better today, but understand your worry the day before. As mothers we don't want our children to be subject to any conflicts and our hearts break for them. Wishing you, and your son, a great week!

Heather said...

Glad you're feeling better! Sometimes those big crys are good for us. :)

pughy said...

You are so welcome. I waited with baited breath to see how your son went on, I too wear my heart on my sleeve. So glad all was well. I agree that it helps to write it all down.

Always here to listen.


Hugs Carol x

Rachel said...

Good news! Glad you're feeling better! I lack the ability to hide my feelings, also. It's good and bad.

Michelle said...

Two of my five kids have had to deal with that.

We soon started homeschooling and my oldest came home by choice. I think her decision was based partially on being picked on for so long. AND THEY WERE MEAN to her. Broke my heart.

I'm glad things went better. It's so hard to be a mom.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

Dani said...

I'm glad things got better. I know how writing seems to help you get things out like nothing else can. I know that time comes when kids get to an age where they are facing things on their own and it will be hard for me when this time comes for my kids as well. :)

Heather said...

Glad there was no altrications yesterday. Sometimes those type of cry's are needed!

Juliet Colors said...

I'm glad you are feeling better today. I feel ill-equipped to comment your earlier concerns about bullying, having no children. But I do know that kids are resilient and having a loving mom like you is sure to make a difference.

Lois Lane II said...

Whew, thank goodness!! I'm glad you are feeling better and that nothing happened to your son! =D

H.K. said...

I am so happy that your feeling better and that your son had no troubles on the bus or at school. What a relief!

I too wish for those times when he was young and small and it was easier to protect him. It's bittersweet to see them grow.

becomingkate said...

Glad to hear that the bully took a break.

My oldest daughter endured TOO MUCH while in middle school, and it changed her life. She's now 20 and almost back on track.

Blogging has helped me so much in the last few years! Have a nice Wednesday.

CDB said...

I'm glad there were no run-ins yesterday, and my fingers are crossed that things blow over and this other kids finds something else to act out about.

I'm also glad to hear this supportive network was here for you when you needed it, as should be!

T Rex Mom said...

Hugs back and so VERY glad things are going better today. Sometimes a good cry can make me feel better, too. Keep us posted!

Gerri said...

Hugs to you too. I have had a few of those moments over that past few years where I have had to face the fact that I can not control everything that happens to my boy. It is tough, and painful. I am a Momma Lion and would do some harm to protect my son. I guess these moments make us stronger, and help us support our children so that THEY may become stronger as well. :)peace

The Write Girl said...

I'm glad you are feeling better today and that your son is doing okay. May you guys have a wonderful rest of the week : )

Jenners said...

I'm glad you had a better day today and that blogging about it helped you out. Isn't it amazing how much support you can get via blogging. It is so hard to let them go out in the world without us around to protect them...but I guess that is what we do as parents -- get them ready to go through this kind of stuff and be there if they need us. You are a great mom. Your boy will be OK.

Elftea said...

hugs back at you

Michelle said...

Glad to hear that your son's day went well today. It can be so hard! Hopefully it stays that way... but if not, I hope that you received some helpful advice!

Banteringblonde said...

Isn't it nice to have a place to come? The worry we feel for our babies is only natural, I often feel helpless but they know we are here for them. Hang in there.

judith ellis said...

Nice outcome indeed. We are helpers one to another.

Kringle said...

Thanks for sharing... prayers to you
Kringle

G said...

Wow.

Glad everything worked out positively so far. Just gotta keep the faith and keep standing your ground.

aspen said...

I can certainly relate to your emotional issue. I have dealt with that same thing and the emotions kicked in hard. I am very emotional too and there are times when I cannot turn the tears off...I do wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes I wish I didn't, but its part of who I am!