Thursday, May 14, 2009

The child within

That 9 year old girl inside me will always be looking for validation. I'm surprised that I still have such a strong need for recognition from my friends and family. I feel like the little girl who waves her new drawing in front of a group of adults. "See what I did today? Do you like it?"

Remember how I asked about whether or not you share your blog with others? Since I feel like the blog is a part of me now, I want my family and friends to validate it as something of value. I wonder if I'll ever "grow up". I still seem to have some of the same insecurities and doubts of when I was a little girl. I didn't expect to be carrying this baggage along with me for the ride.

It's funny to think that I'm sort of playing "house" as an adult. Is there a huge part of me that will always struggle with this little girl need for validation?

Do you have your "little kid" moments when you feel like a needy, vulnerable kid again? I think that the little girl will be with me always. Maybe that's o.k.

26 comments:

K said...

I think this is a very brave post.

I think we all want the people were respect to respect what we do in return. Human nature to a certain extent.

Lois Lane II said...

I think it's so funny (well, ironic, I guess) that as a kid I thought that adults didn't have the same problems as I did (bullying, friendships, jealousy, etc...) and then when I grow up, I find out adults have all those problems PLUS some!! I think we're always little kids, always learning, and always striving to find our place in life. After all, our entire existence is a learning experience. =)

Joanne said...

I think it's important to "own" what we do, and as writers, that includes our blogs, which are an extension of that writing. Once you own it and expect it to be recognized as part of you, your writer identity becomes even more of who you are.

Heather said...

I still have those moments where I want to please Mama and Daddy. If I get complimented on my work or get a raise, I feel like I immediately need to call and tell them so they can tell me "good job." Why is that? I guess part of me still wants to make them proud, even though I'm no longer a child. :)

Caitlin said...

YES! YES! YES! I have those moments all the time! Mostly with my husband- where I say "did you like that post? Was it funny? How about this part..."
Also when I try out a new recipe, I want to know EXACTLY how delicious it is.

I have never heard it described in a way that I could understand until know- but, yes, I am a 9 year old girl.

shabby girl said...

Yes, I still have those feelings as well. I guess the difference now though is that I don't NEED the approval as much. I still want it, but it's okay if you don't like it.
About always carrying that little kid around, I think it's what allows us the wonder of life still.
I read this somewhere...The old man was asked if he felt old. The old man replied, "No, I feel like a young man with something the matter with him." The older I get, the more sense that makes to me.

pughy said...

I think we all want and even court approval from our friends, loved one's family. we are always asking is this ok, did I do well etc. You are right that is the inner child comming out. Enjoyed your post today.

Carol x

Dan Felstead said...

Shabby girl...you put into words something that I could not put my finger on...young man with something wrong with him!!! That is exactly how I feel!

Septembermom,
Yes, I want to share my blog with family but they are the least responsive to it! Frustrates me sometimes.

Dan

Faith said...

Hi. My name is Faith and I am a 9 year old girl. I am vulnerable and always, ALWAYS seeking validation. I have to agree with you and the other commenters: we never lose that need to feel valued. But isn't that maybe what keeps us in line? Perhaps worrying about others not finding value in us keeps us from doing things that cause us to lose our value in ourselves.

Juliet Colors said...

Oh how I relate to this. My inner child can be very anxious, insecure and needy. No matter how many added layers of experience, knowledge and understanding aging gives me, that little girl will always be a part of me. And that's okay.

Becca said...

This is something that I believe everyone can relate to. No matter what, we always want to feel valued by others.

You can count me in on still being a 9 year old girl as well!

Simply Heather said...

OF COURSE, I do. It hurts my feelings when others aren't as excited about the things that I am...but only for a moment, because then I remember that it is myself that needs to believe in me :o) and if something we've done brings us joy...that is truly a gift.

I like this post. You would find many of my "child within" discoveries in my past posts. Some are funny, some "not so much"...but they're mine :o).

I understand about the blog being a part of you now, and wanting to share it. Sometimes I think that the only ones that really "get it" are right here, all doing the same thing :o).

Kim said...

ALL THE TIME. I try to catch myself when I am in 'need approval' mode because it makes me act in ways that I don't like. There's a part of me that is a pleaser too and I hate that. I try not to do it too much but sometimes in work settings or other places where I'm feeling doubtful or self conscious, I go into pleaser mode. Barf. I think it is probably very normal. I do understand about the blog. Part of me wishes that some of the people in my life didn't read it so I could write more honestly. Not that I would slash and burn them but there are so many stories I itch to write about...like my adoptive parents, my sister who hasn't spoken to me for over two years, my inlaws, work...but I also take the blog personally. Like if I write about a topic and notice people staying away from commenting, I analyze it a bit too much.
I agree with simply Heather, that we are the only ones that get it!

Beth Kephart said...

I had one of those just this week, when my four-day fever wouldn't break and I was making my fourth in an hour errand to the store, and all I wanted was someone to say, There. There. Go to bed. It's not your worry.

T Rex Mom said...

Yes - most definitely I have those moments. Don't we all?

I also have that need for validation. Many people do. We just want to know what we're doing is being noticed. I once saw a TV show about a girl who turned invisible because she was never noticed. And I don't just want to be noticed but I want to be noticed in a good way, not a bad way.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Wendy said...

Yes, i do feel the same also....i think it is normal to still have that little girl in you. i am always seeking approval from my husband, kids, coworkers and parents..........whoever...it makes you feel good about yourself and all your hard work is acknowleged.

Kringle said...

I found your post so very raw, trusting and human... yet too being one who both blogs and has an online journal, I am mindful of the public nature of the blog, yet too it is a venue to share our hearts and therefore perhaps the mere posting validates who we are and our sheer human nature?!
Blessings
Kringle

Mari said...

I'm 48 and the little girl is still in me! I think we carry those things with us for life. I get the validation too~

Valerie said...

My mother always undermined me so much that it stayed with me into adulthood. I still have need of reassurance but I don't think it's a totally bad thing since it made me try harder to achieve what mother said was unachievable for me. I still find myself looking over my shoulder as if expecting to find my criticising mother waiting to pounce. Hey, let's join forces and throw out our apprehensions.

Heather said...

Wow there are a lot of Heather's commenting today.

I think all your life you need validation. At work, it might be a bonus or a good job from the boss, at home it is a "thanks mum" or with my husband, I need the "you look great".

I think we all need to be validated.

Nori D said...

Great post, and such nice writing. I totally, totally understand and relate. You're so not alone, and Im sure so many others would agree.

I see what you mean about the blog. For me, mine is still pretty new, but I do see it becoming a part of me. I find that its such a reflection of who I am, what I feel, and what I'm thinking, and I find that my need for validation of sorts, wont allow me to share my blog with family yet. Crazy huh? It's like I dont want them to find something wrong with it, and have something crummy to say. Im not ready for that...I guess I seek validation by remaining a wallflower. Now, that's a nine year old thing to do.

But yes, I agree with a lot of the commenters- we all need to be validated, and will seek it one way or another.

PS: Ive changed my blog name to
www.thiscasuallife.blogspot.com, if you ever want to come over for a bit ; )

The Write Girl said...

It's wonderful that you expressed this sentiment. I believe a lot of us feel that way. But you are doing so well here on your site and your kids seem to be growing up nicely. It's good to have validation because it helps us but you should take solace in all the things you have accomplished as well. I also noticed that people do not always vocalize that they are proud. I guess they feel it isn't needed but it is nice to have encouragment sometimes.

ARUNA said...

ohhh i soo agree with u and even i've that lil girl in me still!!!!I believe a lot of us think the same way or fell the same for that matter!

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

VERY TRUE!

Ana V. said...

Yes, I too share your feelings. I do want to be validated by family and friends. However, I have found that unless you are in the writing world yourself, your friends and family will not really get your writing. To them it is a foreign world while to us writers it is who we are. I have made some good connections with my blogs and I am happy that there are so many writers out there wanting to write and express themselves and hopefully write a book some day, just like me. This is where I get my validation. I guess when we become famous authors, then our other family and friends will notice. LOL

Gerri said...

I think that child will be with you always. I had a friend who is a psycho analyst who says you always need to remember to nurture you inner child. Let her know that the adult part of you will keep her safe.