Monday, August 10, 2009

Watching the hurt

I stop to take notice.
A quick glance to check.

Something unsettling floats.
Expression betrays storm.

Words may claim no worry.
Face and tone say opposite.

Emotions tie him up.
Reason hides in a cloud.

Abrupt comments challenge.
Debate without turns.

Mama bangs upon a door.
A key may never appear.

For my kids, I tend to want to fix everything. Mama will make it all right. I find it hard right now to accept the realization that my kids will deal with situations or emotions without me as they get older. I can't get into that almost teenage head. Being the mother to a teenager will definitely have its challenges. I'm having some difficulty transitioning away from the Mama who could figure out each of my child's needs. The kids go through their emotional ups and downs, and I sure have my own. I have to learn how to reign in my worry and trust that I'll find a way to help my children without necessarily knowing all the details of their hurt. I don't know if I'm ready for the teen years. I guess my son and I will grow together through this process.


T Rex Mom said...

Recently, at our family reunion I was talking with my sister-in-law. Her kids are grown and married. I was lamenting how tough it is to chase a toddler. She was lamenting how tough it is to sit back and watch her kids make their own mistakes.

I guess every stage of parenting comes with its own unique set of challenges - much like what you captured in your poem.

H.K. said...

You hit it right on the nose with your last sentence. You and your son will grow through the process and learn along the way. There will be things where they don't want their mothers to fix and they want to deal with it on their own. Moe is 17 years old and I'm still learning!

Miss reading your blog!

shabby girl said...

Worry you will. You may never know the whole story about anything. You'll still worry and try to figure out how to help.
My kids are 36, 23, & 21. As much as I wanted to help them, I couldn't stay on top of everything. If you love them enough, and in the right way, they will keep coming to you for advise. Keep in mind, they may not take it...
You're a good Mama, you're doing the very best you can. That's all you can do. They'll love you for it.

Beth Kephart said...

The only thing that save us is this: they become teens gradually, giving us time to learn what we need to learn to help them through.

We can never really fix things for them. But we can listen and guide as they fix things for themselves.

And the love just keeps getting bigger.

G said...

Get ready to lose whatever little sanity and reason you have left.

As a parent of a teenager, it is a never ending battle to get him to do what is right.

I wish you luck.

Creativity!! said...

All The Best Dear :D

Sabrina said...

My daughter and I are butting heads more than ever now as she approaches 13. I can definitely relate. You'll be a wonderful mom through these days. :)

mamaof6 said...

It is so hard for a mom to avoid taking on the hurt of their children. For me this proved to be a negative experience. For so long I made my kids problems, my problems. I had to fix everything and I began suffocating them.

Today, I am able to let my kids be who they are and make all of the mistakes that they need make. Yes, I believe they need to make mistakes. I still feel empathy for them and I never say "I told you so".

I love your poem. It really captures that inner battle that moms face. Just the fact that you think about these things, shows how much you love and care about your children. They are lucky ones.

glnroz said...

guidelines, loose reins and lots of worry forever, but I am so lucky with my three girls.

Dani said...

As long as they know you love them and are there, they will come to you when they need the help. It's something they need- to learn how to work through problems on their own. I know when the time comes I will probably struggle with the same thing- that's why I'm preparing myself for it right now.

Anonymous said...

Continue to show love and support even in the face of a closed door. Just remember, we were teens too and I'm sure we gave our parent(s) heck. I know I did. He's at the brink of so many things: puberty, emotions, high school and his own thoughts about life and becoming a man. Boys are so different than girls but at least he has his father for the manly things. As mothers we want to nurture and forever worry but there will come a time that we must let them exit the nest and fly. You're doing good, more than you know.

Becca said...

I completely agree 100%. I have said it a million times before, I am dreading the teenage years. Good thing I've got a while!

Ms Perfect said...

This reminds me of something my mother said when I was a teen. "I hate teenagers! If I could, I would send all of them to an island until they matured." Of course, this was said in anger. lol

Don said...

I think the key to kids navigating the teen years, is how well their parents have taught them (and are teaching them,) to think. Mama don't need to fix it... kids need to ask, What would Mama ask? think? do? plan? try? (This can be taught at a bowling alley.)

A child who has heard a parent say, "What do you think?" and "Why?" and "Go ahead and try it..." ("How did that go? What worked? What didn't? What will you try next time?)

That's the kid who will have a decent time as a teen. (And his/her parents will too.)

A good parent is working themselves out of a job. (That's what good teachers do too.)

Teach a kid to self-parent, self-teach, become independent yet inter-related. That kind of kid becomes an adult that makes parents grateful and proud.

It. can. be. done.


2Shaye ♪♫ said...

It's hard to imagine that my three little ones will one day be teens. I see today as part of preparing our family for that, but it still seems so unreal. I love your words, girl.

Kim said...

Even though Deaglan is only small, I really felt this poem of yours. I dread the day when I have to let go. I would be like you just wanting to fix things. You've captured this so well!