Thursday, June 25, 2009

Unwelcome phone call

Remember that email I sent to that "friend" of mine about trying to have a heart to heart discussion about the bully situation? She called me and started shouting at me right away. I couldn't believe how confrontational she became. I held my ground, but I didn't get nasty. I had to run to a birthday party right after that heated discussion. I hate that my kids had to see me get upset while I was on the phone. It was tough to pretend to be happy at the party. Why couldn't she be more mature or civil on the phone? I don't know where all her venom came from. I try so hard to be nice to everyone. She wants to turn me into the villain. I never expected this kind of reaction from her. I feel like an idiot trying to protect her feelings all this time. She doesn't seem to worry about mine. Even though I know she is wrong to act this way, I can't help but feel hurt. Why can't I let things roll of my back? I'm having trouble going to sleep. I feel emotionally drained.

Will all this block tension ever end?

I'm so glad that I have all of you. Your support really means everything to me.

33 comments:

Caroline said...

You did the right thing. Don't act on her anger. Remain calm. It does not mean that you let her walk all over you... But if you sink to her level, she wins. I know it's draining...but take deep breaths and try to let it go.

Michelle said...

Well that's fun, isn't it? Yuck. I'm sorry she was so unreasonable. Here's hoping you do find a reasonable solution, and I totally get you on not being able to let things like that go. I'm still irritated by a work thing today!

T Rex Mom said...

Sending you hugs. Gosh, that would be so disheartening.

I wonder if there are problems in their home - she taking offense and the kids acting out. Just sounds like maybe everything is not so good in their home right now, just a thought.

I'm just sad you had to go through that and that it's affecting you. That's why you're such a good person, because you're at home struggling to go to sleep after that phone call.

Eventually, this too shall pass. Hang in there.

Good to be a Queen said...

I guess we see where her son get's his anger from....Hang in there....You are in my thoughts

Mari said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry this issue with bullies seems to be spreading to the parents too. You did the right thing and as the Queen said - he must get his anger issues honestly!

Caitlin said...

I'm so sorry. How immature and horrible of her! It's not your fault at all!

Dani said...

I'm SO sorry about that! How horrible! I hate confrontation and I can tell you do too. I wish there was something you could do, but honestly it sounds like she's not going to listen to anything you have to say. How sad to feel like you've lost a friend. Do you have any mutual friend that could perhaps act as mediator? That's the only suggestion I can come up with besides just letting her go. I've had a confrontation with someone and it took her three months to get over it. It may take a lot of time for her, but if you continue to be calm and mature and kind perhaps it will blow over. SO SORRY!!!

Warren Baldwin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Warren Baldwin said...

Note: I deleted the previous post b/c of mistakes. wb

I wish I had saved my comments from the earlier post for here, because they would fit well here, too.

Why would she react in such anger to you when you just want to talk to her? Anger is a major defensive posture when we don't want to face a situation. We erect a wall of anger to scare someone away so they won't dig into our lives. This woman is trying to avoid you so she doesn't have to face the truth you have to share. As I said in the earlier post, this boys bad public behavior is just an extension of the bad private behavior he exhibits at home. I would wager he is a monster.

Mom knows this. She doesn't want you to. She keeps you at bay by acting angry.

If this is the correct scenario, then this woman is hurting even more than you are. And she is very worried. Worried one, because she doesn't want to be exposed. Two, because she can't control her own son and doesn't know what damage he really might do.

I'd stay as clear of this family as you possibly can.

I have written a number of things on anger, a couple of chapters (they are short) in my book that I hope will come out this summer! Over the next week or two I'll put them on one of my blogs. In the meantime, I do have some stuff on anger and hatred in this article: http://warrenbaldwinbiblefountain.blogspot.com/2009/03/enemy.html

God bless.

Warren

rightonmom said...

Oh Kelly, so sorry for this. I don't get that at all, makes no sense to me. You were the stronger person by not getting sucked into all that negative energy, which is all that is. I feel bad for her kids who have to witness that. Warren made some great points, hope they help some.
Big hugs!

pughy said...

I so share your feelings here. You did the right thing, dont react back with anger. That is what she wants so she can shift all the blame to you. I would put a sure bet on that the things the boy are doing come from within the home. The mother sounds like she would behave like that to her kids.

Try tlo keep calm.Not easy, not easy at all. You will ride it girl.

Carol x

Christy said...

Oh! I am so sorry. And here I thought all that bullying mess was over. If I were in your shoes, I have no idea what I would do. So, I am going to do the only thing I can... I am going to add you to my prayer list. I wish I had some earth shattering advice for you, but I don't. Just know that I am praying for you.

Jenn said...

I am the same way when it comes to letting things roll off my back. Very hard for me to do. It's hard not to react with anger, especially when you have been concerned with her feelings and she is unconcerned with yours. You did a good thing by not reacting with anger so be proud of yourself. Sometimes people just have to act in ways we do not understand. Hopefully in time she will realize that she is wrong.

kisatrtle said...

sorry to hear that happened. Thinking of you.

Joanne said...

I'm really sorry to hear this too. You did the right thing, but I think what I'd do now is what someone else above said, steer clear of that entire family. I'd completely ignore all of them and go about my business. Otherwise I fear it'll just be more confrontations, and really, it's just not worth it to put yourself through that. Hang in there!

Kitten said...

I wish I had some advice for you. I hate bullying and all of its forms. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. It's the least I can do.

Dan Felstead said...

Septembermom...
Wow...what a mess. What is with this lady? We will keep you in our prayers....she is bound to give up sooner or later....HOPEFULLY SOONER.

Dan

Heather said...

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Keep your chin up and know that we're here for you. :)

Wendy said...

so sorry you are going through that. i hope it all works out...

bluecottonmemory said...

Bully situations are really tough! Sadly, you learned the apply doesn't fall far from the tree! When the kids yoiung (pre-5th grade), you can call the parent and usually they're pretty happy to work with you. Chin up, though! At least you know what the response will be:)

Randi said...

It sounds like Warren really knows his stuff. i think he's right on.

I had to deal with a confrontational mom recently. She's always a ticking time bomb and no one ever knows what will set her off. Every time she expressed anger in my dealings with her, I let it roll off. So, I kept getting the brunt of her anger whenever she cared to express it, which was OFTEN. Finally one day, she called me and I just said, "I refuse to be lectured by you." She was incredulous! No one had ever said that to her before and it made her even madder. I just kept replying, "Please do not lecture me." Now she doesn't call me anymore because I spoke back to her. Yay! I know what it's like to deal with unreasonable people,but with her, I finally had to take a stand and refuse to let her talk to me that way. I had spent too many sleepless nights because of her. I finally asked myself, "Is this the type of person I want for a friend?" The answer was a resounding "NO." I wish you well because I know this is not easy. Feel free to email me when you get frustrated. My son was bullied too.

becomingkate said...

She is angry because deep down, she knows you're right. I'm so sorry! *hugs*

Becca said...

I hate that you have to deal with this. You do not deserve it at all. I completely agree that she knows that you are right and she cannot handle that. I really hope things start to turn around for you!

Pegsy said...

That's the hardest part - the part where your kids see how upset you are. Trying to explain the situation without sharing too much, without getting too upset and without getting them too involved... Our situation last summer was so hard on the kids because I just wear all my feelings on my sleeve! I'm so sorry you had to go to that birthday party feeling so miserable. I would have been a mess! Have you tried getting your husband to talk to this lady's husband? That's how things finally ended up with our "bully family." The mom called to chew me out, and I just asked if she could talk to my husband. She agreed, but couldn't handle the truth from him. So, she passed the phone to her husband and the two Dads went at it for awhile! I was so relieved that I wasn't listening to the verbal abuse anymore. My husband has a much thicker skin! Their conversation didn't really solve anything, but what it did do, was make the mom realize that she couldn't mess with me anymore. Otherwise, she would have my husband to deal with - and he's a whole lot more intimidating than me! We weren't bullying back, we just stood our ground. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but this will only make you stronger. Keep pressing on. You are a great mom and I think you're doing the best that you can right now!

G said...

Sorry to hear that this "charming" individual is continuing to give you grief. Hang in there, keep the faith, and most importantly, document all the garbarge she's been dishing out at your.

For as well all know, Karma can indeed be a...ummm....hmmm...well, you know what I mean.

Yours in solidarity.

Elftea said...

We Care! Your mind tells to to let it go. However, your big warm heart is still hurt. I am sorry to tell you, you will feel a bit hurt every time you think about it. But at those times trun your family and feel some real love.
WARM HUGS TO YOU

Lori Lynn said...

Oy. Sorry to hear that. Wish I had some good advice. Good luck with your situation.
LL

Judith Ellis said...

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;"

My mother quoted this portion of the Rudyard Kipling poem to us often whenever we were unjustly accused of things. It encouraged us. I hope it also encourages you, beautiful lady friend and committed mother. Many blessings...

The Write Girl said...

I'm really sorry to hear this woman is giving you a hard time...you are truly a kind hearted person. I wouldn't worry about this woman at all nor should you focus your energy or lose sleep. I hope you focus on more positive things and recharge your batteries. You deserve a rest!!

Jenners said...

Obviously something is wrong with her. She probably can't accept that perhaps her kid is a problem and is lashing out at you (the messenger) rather than looking at her own child in a negative way.

That sucks big time. It is hard to be strong for kids all the time isn't it? You're a great mom and a great person. That lady sucks.

Gerri said...

It seems like when it rains it pours. Hang in there, and continue to be honest. It will pay off. I have learned to say my peace, gently, but honestly. That is all that you can do. Oh, and of course pray for her.

Kim said...

I don't think that it's easy for anyone to let this kind of crap roll off of their backs and if they say it is they are either lying or unfeeling. This other mother sounds completely unreasonable and she is not doing her child any favours by displaying this kind of behaviour. I think that your children will always know that you were always there for them - a beautiful mother, a beautiful soul!!

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