So what is going on with me?

With SpongeBob playing in the background and the boys maneuvering all around, I think I'll try to get a post officially "in the tank" here. The day to day of life really has pushed my love of blogging on the back burner. I would love to carve out regular time again to blog and connect with all of you. Maybe it will have to be during this five minutes of relative peace on a Saturday morning. I'll see if I can make it my regular blogging "thing" again.

Unemployment once again has parked its unwelcome cloud over our family for the past six months. My husband and I are in job hunting mode 24/7. Highly competitive job market and so many others hunting for the same position. It can be a daily challenge emotionally when calls don't come, but we remain hopeful that all will work out. I may have to be the one to jump on the full time bandwagon if nothing significant materializes for my husband. Having been 16 years plus out of the job market, I may not be your typical candidate for certain positions. I laugh that I'm now in the "mature" category of applicants. Whatever that means.

The kids are all doing well. They are truly growing right in front on my eyes.  My oldest son and I will be embarking on a college visit trip to Boston soon. Now that "bonding" should make for some interesting and maybe laughable blog material.  My two other sons are way too enveloped by video games. This long, cold winter has to end so I can get them to play outside again.  My lovely Jillian is enjoying every minute of second grade and she loves ballet. It is such a sweet time for me each time that I watch her move so slowly and gracefully through each move during practice. She has good concentration and a true passion to enjoy the dance. I see many recitals in my future.

The love of our life, Lily, is enjoying her retirement on every couch that she can find in our house. We can't believe that it has already been more than a year since we adopted her from the rescue group. I have all sorts of Lily walking adventures to share with you in future posts. She is a very strong girl who sometimes gets carried away when a car comes by. My problem is that she doesn't know her own strength as she almost off knocks me off my feet.  Look at her now so quietly sleeping on the couch. Our truly strong yet gentle giant.

Peace and joy to you all.  Now time to make some kind of breakfast for me. After feeding the rest of the crowd, I look forward to these few minutes of munching on my English muffin.

So was it a Thoreau moment? I would like to think that I'm taking a five minute one sometimes.

There is no doubt that my determined labrador is fascinated with all that autumn offers here in New York. She pulled me through places in the wooded section of my backyard that were usually in my off limits zone. Gratefully, both Lily and I emerged from our ramblings unscathed and slightly winded. Considering that I have lived here for almost 14 years, I must give my Miss Lily credit for bringing me to a lovely location for reflection and pause.  This is definitely the time of year to stand still for a moment and gaze upward at all those varied colors of autumn as they sway with the breeze on those Heaven reaching limbs.

Now it is time for me to stretch these kind of achy limbs and get my little ballerina ready for dance class.

Until next time...take care.

"Kelly, sit still once in while!"

This Energizer Bunny is hunting for moments of stillness.  This may be a hopeless dream considering that my gang will be bursting with energy and literally bouncing off the walls as school ends next week. Nonetheless, I think this quest is worthy of an attempt to find that kind of peace.

A few weeks ago, I walked along a very peaceful, tree-lined trail surrounded by a quiet that I welcomed wholeheartedly. To be honest, it was strange for me to be without a walking or conversation buddy. Even when I'm physically alone at home, I'm engaging myself in some kind of online activity or work. During that walk, I just breathed through each step. My mind was still whirring around with lists and obligations during the first leg of the walk.  All of a sudden as I felt the push of the walk make me strive to go further and further, I recognized the stillness around. I must have pushed myself through exercise and place into an opening of my wall that I spend so much time building around my core. That part of me needs to breathe more. The stillness may be the key. I realize that I have to take out these Energizer Bunny batteries once in a while. Everyone always tells me to relax.  Has it taken 44 years for me to share that light bulb of realization? So the new weekly plan (hopefully) is to go for those stillness hunting walks and breathe more thoughtfully.

I also stare up into the midnight sky when I walk Lily in the backyard each night. Those five minutes of stillness feel especially good with a cool night breeze. I'm also hoping that these self-directed times of quiet will rejuvenate that dusty Muse of mine.

Dad's handwriting

I found my Dad's high school notebook today. I forgot that I tucked it away behind my door with all my other bags of stuff.  Today was the day that I decided to go through all that stuff to consolidate and organize. How nice it was for me to see my Dad's beautiful handwriting flowing across the pages of a marble notebook from the 1950's.

I see so much of Dad in me. Students and searchers. In his notebook, he wrote out favorite poems and sayings that touched him in some way.  Seeing my father having a natural fondness for Keats, Milton, and Kipling made me feel an even stronger connection with him.

For the past 12 years since his death, I will sometimes find myself trying to relive a moment of Dad's embrace as I sit alone at home, in church, or in my van.  Today, I felt his embrace fully and my heart feels more directed and complete, at least for now. Thanks Dad.

It's good to slow down and grab the bliss moments

Sometimes I wish too much for a relaxing Saturday.  More often than not, those Saturdays turn into craziness.  Today, I am sitting here listening to my  hamburgers frying, and noticing the contentment on the faces of my family.  No big drama is happening, but we all are quietly entertaining ourselves.  Bliss can be found in these sudden observations by a "going going" mom.  Maybe they are all taking lessons from Lily, our happily and consistently snoozing furry companion.

More poetry quickfires to come and more blog checking in too. Hope all is blissfully wonderful in your corner of the world today.

Poetry Quickfire & Miss Lily

Shaking off the rust as I try my hand at throwing some words together in five minutes...

I like to see what erupts as I push through each line quickly.

Mirror

A phantom of a tremble
could betray that hesitation
to accept and dare
her eyes to celebrate
that "off" image pushing
through the pane
with a fire of being.

As you can see, Lily is enjoying her recuperation time on the couch.  Only a few weeks left of this recovery period and then Lily will be literally off and running!

Hoping to visit you tonight between bites of my huge chocolate chip cookie!!

Finding that "voice" again

I want this to officially become my creative space. It has been a long time since I ventured out on a limb creatively here.  Life is good and busy, and I have been having a wonderful time with family and friends.  I don't want my writing to be shelved anymore. I'm hoping that I still have something deep in the vault to offer creatively.  Something is stirring inside and I am afraid to let too much time pass before I try to write again. I may have to carve out some time during the midnight hour to fully explore my creativity again.  During the day, I am happily occupied with the kids and everything else. I have toyed with the idea of moving away from the blog, but I can tell that I'm not ready for that definitive move. It's time for my poetry quickfires again and micro fiction pieces.  When I would devote that time for creativity, I felt more intact and stronger in a way.  So I'm coming back to see what pours out of me. Hopefully, it will have some value.

Update on Lily: She is recovering wonderfully. What a blessing for my whole family. She will be hopefully heart worm free around March 20th.  Then she can be the "full dog" that she would love to be again.  We'll get in a lot of exercise walks. That will be good for my aching bones too!