Thursday, October 6, 2011

I'm ringing the bell, boys...this round is over!

And I thought pushing out these 4 kids was difficult! Mama/referee job is way more exhausting for me. I have good kids, but they sure know how to stir things up with each other.  Maybe I have to see these turbulent pockets in our day as the growing pains that I have to deal with as a mom.

I appreciate the silence.  I can feel how the downtime helps to arm me emotionally to take on the next mini battle of the boys that will inevitably erupt at the dinner hour.

Creativity always seems to serve me well when I'm in a moment of stress.  I think it's time for me to creatively referee the next battle.  The boys don't know what is in store for them. This mama wants to change things up and redirect all that troublesome energy.  Now to come up with an idea.

If only my boys had a desire to grace the stage, then I would see a constructive outlet for the drama.  Maybe that's the approach. I'll have them role play when they get in an argument.  I can just feel the eyes rolling when I suggest this resolution strategy.

Will they humor me?  Probably not.  I guess I'll have to continue the divide and conquer approach until I think of another strategy or they are in college.

Quick question to all you veteran moms: Is there such a thing as an easy age once kids start pushing away and pushing each other?  Right now in my house, 14, 12 and 8 are rough and tumble ages crashing into each other all the time.  Is it all that testosterone?  I can feel their need to outdo the other in words or actions.  All this competitiveness seems to be filling the air whenever they begin an activity or engage in a debate. I'll keep repeating this mantra as the boys get into it: "Kids can be wonderfully entertaining and draining simultaneously.  You will miss this craziness soon enough."

Enjoying this short time of silence. The gang will be arriving soon.  Patience, please rain down on me.

20 comments:

Diane said...

No ideas to suggest. I have a boy and girl and they do play together but usually separately so no worries. Use this time to recharge and reboot! :O)

Beth Kephart said...

I think your strategy of living the moments that are peaceful fully is the best one. And I love your new look here, by the way. That speaks of resilience to me.

Gerri said...

Well, I only have one boy so I don't think I'll be a lot of help. I wished for girls and got two of them and then asked God what did I do to deserve all this drama...oh yeah, I asked for it. There were many times I wished I could have changed my girls into boys...the drama, the cycling together (and I'm not talking about bikes) the hystronics...somedays it was just too much. My son was really quiet and easy going (still is) but if he'd had two brothers, it might have been a different story, so who knows. I do know that starting at about age 11 up until they graduated from high school...I think those were the hardest years. They do test the boundaries and you have to let them go, but not too far...it's such a fine line to walk and then you are always wondering if you're doing it right....I longed for 2am feedings when my kids hit puberty...lol. But then they become these amazing adults that you have wonderful conversations with and and best of all they become your friends because you don't have to parent them anymore. And then you think to yourself...wow, I guess I did an ok job. So, yeah, that time in the middle is stressful and trying but so worth it in the end. Sorry for being so long winded and I have no idea if this helped or not but there it is. And for what it's worth, I think you are an amazing mom and your kids will be amazing adults as well. :)

the wild magnolia said...

I recommend the following, though I am loath to give advice, so consider these suggestions.

Sports - physical activity, and or, walking each evening as a family.

Having them role play a drama of their fighting, etc., is a fabulous idea, in my opinion. Or....you and your husband and Aunts and Uncles could do this too. Or, do both.

Testosterone....yes ma"am. Little men(s), you get the picture.

You will survive, I promise.

P.S.: Hi there! Check my blog, I did a little bloggie about you. :0) ❤

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I have three boys(all in the 20's now) and they're still competitive though it's friendlier now. It was funny how they fought at home but always supported each other outside the home. They will outgrow it and if you're like me, you won't miss those noisy years.
I had a rule for a while, one cries or whines and everyone gets punished, no explanations and no appeals. It worked.

Naqvee said...

a phase of life which My mom wanted to avoid. She always prayed as how she never wanted sons as they are restless..and they fight like dogs she got two girls me and my oldie sis now 28. And my mom...she still plays a referee. for us. we fight like cats more dangerous and clawing each other.. horrendous hahaha..

Love Naqvee xoxo

Jenners said...

I feel for you … but I have no idea how to help you.

The Write Girl said...

God bless Septembermom...I hope it gets better. Do the boys like sports? It will get out their aggresion. Hmmm...I'll think about it some more but hope they find a way to get along.

Valerie said...

I only had one boy so I'm not much help either. Speaking as an older person I wonder if walking away from it is the answer. I don't mean leave home, just leave the room. Count to 1,250 slowly, then go back in, maintain a complete silence and ignore the lot of them. Told you I wouldn't have a clue, didn't I? Chin up and keep smiling, Kelly.

Vicky said...

Yes, yes, the testosterone becomes so thick you can cut it with a knife! And yes, a physical release- exercise, going to the gym, tae kwon do, or some other organized sport can help with the release of all that pent up energy! Hockey has started for us, and all that energy is leveling off, it sufficiently gets burned off and its like the flip of a switch and suddenly my sweet boy has returned!! Hugs to you as you traverse the waters of this rocky time!

Gail Dixon (Louisiana Belle) said...

I had 3 children; 2 of them boys with distinct personalities and very competitive with each other. They used to gang up on their sister, and try as we might to stop it, it was a constant battle. In some ways I miss those days and wished I had handled it better. Sorry, I have no advice except to pray for grace and patience! Good luck, Kelly.

Gerri said...

My husband is one of 3 boys...he is 40, middle is 35, and the baby is 33. They are the still exactly the same from when I met them at 19, 14, and 12. Full of testosterone and competition, they just do it adult style now. ;)

T Rex Mom said...

You are my veteran mama paving the way for me so I'll be learning from you. Just document the success and failures for the rest of us.

I know you will figure things out. But you do certainly paint an interesting picture of life in your house.

My advise - put their sister in charge. Then see what happens.

Joseph Pulikotil said...

I can see the tough time you are facing with growing up children. Moms have extraordinary strength and they are always resourceful to meet any challenges. Wish you all the best,
Joseph

Randi said...

I read about a family once who had kids who were fighting endlessly. The parents solved it by hanging a board on the wall onto which they scheduled "court time." Every time the kids argued and wanted Mom or Dad to referee, the parents made them write down the "case" and schedule in court time. Once the case was on the board, they were not allowed to talk about it (witness tampering and all) until the appointed time. If a child tried to whine about the argument before the scheduled time, the parent would just say, "Sorry--not until it's time for court." Each party had to present their own case and provide their own witnesses. Mom and Dad were the judges, and any siblings not involved in the argument were the jury. At first the kids thought it was great because they got to complain on and on when presenting their side. After a few weeks, the parents noticed that there were fewer and fewer arguments, and they would overhear the kids saying things like, "Shh..let's just work it out ourselves or else Mom and Dad will make us have court." Or when the appointed time came for the court case the plaintiff and defendant would say, "Never mind--we already figured it out." I wish I had known about this method when my girls were young because they fought constantly. Good luck! Like the others have said, this is just a small moment. My girls get along great now that they're adults and it's so fun to sit and listen to them tell the stories about their past arguments! I learned that I only knew about half of what REALLY happened! :)

Teresha@Marlie and Me said...

Wish I could be helpful, but I lag behind you on experience and gender. I will pray for patience to rain down on you and me both because my one girl is driving me insane.

shabby girl said...

No, I don't think there is an answer. At 23 & 25, my boys are still at it, albeit on a much smaller scale. It is a competition, mixed with testosterone, and flexing their personalities.
You could try making each of them give you a hug that you so exhaustedly deserve after one of those rounds...If nothing else, you get a hug, and they might end up laughing.

Becca said...

Can't help you with this one being I've got two young GIRLS. BUT I can say that my two drive me up the wall with their drama. It's pretty much a constant thing in our house too. and they are only five and two. I don't know what I will do when they become teenagers!

The Write Girl said...

P.S. you are super sweet to visit all my posts. That is so nice of you. I hope this week has been easier for you. Halloween will soon be upon us. Can't wait to hear what the little princess and the boys will be. Take Care :)

Kim said...

You're giving me a glance into my future my sweet friend. I hope I can do it with your grace and good humour! Even though it likely feels overwhelming and like you might not be living up to what the situation is calling for, I have no doubt your doing a wonderful job.