Friday, October 2, 2009

One Lie After Another...

The block tension has not gone away. That boy who liked to torment my son verbally for a year now has added lying to his bag of tricks. Yesterday, his mother (who used to be my friend) confronted me about my son harassing her children. It is a total lie. Anyone who knows my son would agree that these accusations don't make sense. Why do these kids get such a kick out of making up these lies? The mother acts like I have a problem on my hands with my son. She says that I'm clueless about him. My son is a quiet, honor student who likes to play soccer. He may drive me crazy at home sometimes, but he doesn't cause trouble outside. The mother claims that he curses like a sailor. Again, where is your proof? If anything, he is sarcastic like me.

I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. My son was the one being taunted for a year, and now they want to label him as a "bully".

This confrontation went on for about 20 minutes yesterday at the bus stop. I see this woman everywhere. I hate living like this. I just want to have a nice, regular life minding my own business. Why can't they just leave us alone?

I'm wiped out. How am I going to combat all these lies that will keep coming my way? What's with these kids? Don't they have something else to keep them busy? They found a new way to torment us apparently. Wish I could move.

20 comments:

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Oh Kelly, how awful! That is such a shame that you'd want to move over this. Don't let that kid or his mother scare you or upset you! Stand your ground (while still trying to be polite). Say that you think it could be problem with not just your child but also her child. I don't think you should have to avoid her but maybe your son shouldn't play with her son if they can't get along. Big hugs to you! I like having a fence and not getting too close to my neighbors for reasons like this. Fortunately for us, our neighbors have always been quite older than us. I hope you can find a solution that you can be happy with, even if it just means agreeing to disagree or ignoring them. I'm thinking of you! Have some chocolate in the mean time. ;-)

Jillien said...

Kelly this is so terrible. I recently went through something very similar. A close person in my life, one of the closest actually, totally wigged out on me and spread such HORRIBLE lies that it put me into a depression for days. But I will tell you what helped me move out of that dark and desperate place.

I REfocused. My husband and my real friends and family reiterated the truth about me. They had to remind me that this person was sick and out of her mind, and everything she had said was a total lie. (I was starting to believe the things she was spreading about me; I didn't know how to defend myself) and then I prayed with my husband, and that was when I refocused. She attacked me as a person, wife, mother, and i decided that all of her lies and criticisms would just make me more self-aware. It helped better me. I became more thoughtful of my actions and words, and it did nothing but improve me.

Give her ugliness to the Lord to deal with, and from it take only what you can use. Let it remind you to always show your children the proper way to speak. (Not that you don't already, but allow it to give you more fervor) Let it remind you to show your children how to be empathetic toward other children who are different or less popular. This is an opportunity to show how incredible of a mother you and how successfully you are rearing your children.

Stay strong!

JM

Gloria said...

Oh, so sorry to hear this, you must be in absolute torment. I went through something like this when my son was at school and he was the sweetest child alive and in fact was targeted because he refused to follow and retaliated strongly against the bullies. It's very hard to go through I know but for us, the bullies got tired and it sort of just went away.

My heart hurts for you and please update us with this journey 'cos we're here to support you and this just might help someone else going through this nightmarish situation.

A big big hug to you Kelly. God Bless! xxXXxx

T Rex Mom said...

That's just sounds horribly tough to deal with. Kids can be the cruelest sometimes. Eventually the truth will come out. I wonder if that family has some other problems that are being manifested in the child's behavior..

Naqvee said...

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Mari said...

Kelly, I'm sorry to hear that he has added a new trick to his bag. And worse, that his Mother is falling for this. In the end, I'm sure your son will learn from this - if nothing else, how not to treat people, but I can't imagine how hard this is. If your son doesn't respond to this, I think the kid will get sick of it and move on. In the meantime, I'll pray for all of you.

Dani said...

You know, perhaps the best thing to do is tell her you'll talk to your son and see what you can do to resolve the problems. This woman is completely blind that her own son has issues. Many parents make an assumption that their own children naturally have no flaws and nothing in this world could be their fault. Telling this woman that you don't believe her and that it is all a lie (even if it is a lie) only fuels that. Perhaps if you talk to her about finding out the whole truth and accepting any fault that could be on your own child's head, she may look for the faults on her own child's head as well. Other than that far, there is really nothing you can do to help her. She seems to be completely blind as to who her own child is- and I hope that I can watch my children grow up without sheltering myself from their flaws. It's really very sad when I see mothers stand up for their child's bad behavior because they're completely blind to what their "little angel" could do.

I wish you much luck in the situation.

Joanne said...

Oh I'm sorry to hear that this problem is continuing ... If it were me, I would try my best to tune it out, not even acknowledging her conversations to you. I don't think they can productively lead anywhere. Stay strong, and good luck.

::She Poet:: said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shabby girl said...

This woman, that used to be your friend, she must know. Wouldn't you think the "adults" could work this problem out?
Hopefully, your son can keep to the straight & narrow to get through this difficult time. Stay close Mom, keep paying attention. You're his backbone!

Judith Ellis said...

Do NOT allow this woman and her son to impact your life and the life of your household negatively. I would not have any conversations with her. I would politely smile, say hello and cease to converse with her on any level. What is also very important is for your to continue to enjoy your home. You should not even think about moving; do not even entertain thought unless, of course, this is a family decision, but hopefully not for something like this.

This woman seems to want to influence you and your household for ill. Why would you allow this? DON'T! Be happy, my friend, and counsel your children to be pleasant to her and her son. I also asked before if your husbands were actively involved. If not, they should be. If you must talk with this neighbor only do so in the presence of both families, including the husbands and children involved. But you also musn't deal with this alone. Peace and love to you and yours, Kelly.

Judith Ellis said...

I'm emailing you now.

Corrie Howe said...

Kelly, I understand the tension of neighborhood squabbles. The Lord has blessed us that the few neighborhood fights have been related to other people and everyone comes to us. We've remained neutral, but it's still hard on our family. One fight in particular between my sons' two friend's families resulted in him not being able to play with either...even though we didn't have anything to do with it. This caused a major regression which resulted in six months of behavior intervention and counseling for my son. I agree with Judith, talk to the parties with other around.

Jenners said...

Oh Lord. I hate that you have to go through this again. And didn't you say this woman used to be your "friend"? I wish I could say something to help you but I'm lost.

Analisa said...

I am so sorry to hear this is going on. I must say Jillian gave you such a powerful advice. If I can add on to her wisdom I would add that you forgive them and you instruct your son to do likewise. This is not an decision based on emotion and it doesn't mean that their actions are not wrong. That is something you will need to make clear to your son. It may be difficult and you don't have to feel it, just confess it. When we don't forgive it allows the enemy to torment and terrorize us. But forgiveness puts us on the winning side. It doesn't mean you invite her in and bake cookies together. I would still avoid them as much as possible if that is what it took to keep my child and home at peace.

I have no idea what your son's behavior is like when you are not around. I had a teacher once who used to say angel at home devil at school. My son is quite and very compliant, but there have been moments when I was taken aback at his behavior at school. He would talk in class and ignore the teachers instruction which became disruptive. I was clueless. The teacher finally called me after this had gone on for months. She couldn't believe he was doing it. He was the nice kid.
It hurt but I have learned to be objective. I suggests talking to his teachers and see if they have observed anything. I would do this without your son being present. Have any children come to them and made complaints about your son. Sometimes teachers will cover and excuse the behavior of a child who makes great grades.

If you find no problems there then keep on your present course. Stay strong.

Sometimes women(sorry ladies) can be very vindictive when a friendship ends. A liar will lie about almost anything and you should limit your son's contact with her child. If she is feeling so strong, you could have more than a neighborhood beef on your hands. Your son could be accused of something more serious.

Cover it in prayer and you have my prayers as well for a good outcome.

Don said...

I hate it when jerks live in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, I thinks it's part of life's lessons. "Blessed are the peacemakers..." and... "A soft answer turns away wrath..."

Cut it think or thin, it's just one of the stinky things in life you learn to deal with. Lot's of good advice up above.

I offer my condolences.

Susan Fobes said...

As a teacher, I hate hearing about bullying. Most schools don't put up with this type of thing anymore, so I am hoping you can get some help with your school's guidance counselor and principal. (You might also want to give a heads up to your child's teacher if both kids are in the same class...)

My son was being bullied last year in kindergarden by a kid in his class about twice his size at the end of the year. My son's teacher had taken a leave of absence and I wasn't happy about the way the sub was handling things. I immediately contacted the school counselor and principal (I had no luck contacting the substitute)and the problems stopped. (My son's school has a pretty strong no-bullying policy.)

As for the mother, remember the old saying about the apple not falling too far from the tree? You could calmy say that you will speak to your son about this but leave it at that. I am sorry you are going through this.

Michelle said...

uhhhh no, they don't have something to keep them busy. That's the problem. Confrontation isn't going to cut it -- and at some point, she needs to let it be. And you have to know at some point that she won't ever believe you... not fun. You know how you tell your kids to walk away when people won't listen and are doing things they don't like?... Not easy. And unfortunately no disinterested third party who can help clear any of this up?

christy rose said...

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry to hear that you are having to go through such garbage. Just hearing what is going on makes me to know why I never wanted to let my kids go to school in the first place. I homeschooled them all for the first 6 years. And, this kind of stuff was one of the reasons. I remember mean kids when I was in school to and it is only worse today. I will continue to pray for you and your family in this situation. He will vindicate you. Trust Him to see you through! :)
christy

SwedishJenn said...

Oh no! This is so terrible. I am really dreading the day my son enters big boy school. We already had an incident at his old daycare (which made me move him to another daycare) where a mean-spirited much older little shit punched my son two and a half year old in the stomach, causing him much trauma for days. I pray this all sorts itself out. God Bless!